Alone and afraid, I decide to take today to lay in my bed and allow myself room to feel. Room to cry and wail. Finally enough time to let the emotional torrent of memories and thoughts will flow down as I’ve been pushing them out of my mind to try to ignore them for as long as possible.
Today I feel the overwhelming pain of this coming week.
February 14 meant so much to me for two years. It was our anniversary. I will post more on this later.. for now, this is as far as I will mention it.
Recently I have taken steps back in my recovery. And that’s okay. There’s no manual on how to recuperate properly for all your emotions, bodily pains, and mental troubles. Walking has hurt so badly I was at the hospital for a bit being checked. They sent me home with inconclusive results and a stronger painkiller.
Today I will lay in my bed and listen to the rain. I have storm sickness so I will cry and scream, I will suffer boldly. Because I haven’t been letting myself express my internal turmoil for fear it would hurt Yahuah. But Yahuah wants me emotionally healthy too .. and today I will take those steps back and be comfortable in my pains as best I can. I will try to express them and find my will to survive again.
Today I will cry. I will pray that Yahusha holds me and comforts me. I will stay alone in my darkened recovery room and I will sob my heart out. It is all that I can do but I am grateful to be doing something.