Today’s Scripture Study: YirmeYahu 29:11
Topic for this week: Stress and Heartbreak.
As I stand for the first time in a day and waddle over to the bathroom across the hall, I stretch my feet a little more than my injured stride has allowed so far. My incision stings at me, a hissing of scabbing gauze and angry blood clotting. As I stand leaning against the sink I ask myself where I went wrong to wind up with such a heartbreaking situation on my hands.
Yahuah’s timing and plans are perfect in every way but that doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes question them. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t at least wonder why the things that happen do. My heart’s desire has always been to have at least one single living child to raise and love on with my entire being and soul… but my feet have wound up in the pathway of ovarian cancer. I can no longer have my own biological child due to my recent surgery.
Expectancy: the state of thinking or hoping that something, especially something pleasant, will happen or be the case. (noun.)
Well.. of course I hope that something pleasant will surprise me. So there’s that off the list… But the verse states that we are to be given a future free of evils. How can this be so? There’s that small slimmer of doubt again wiggling into my anxiety’s weaknesses. Yahusha was just as I was at one point – weak and emotionally lost at His path. Yahuah brought His feet to the way they were meant to go, to a path of excellence and to His right hand. If He were to do this for His beloved Son, then what will Yah do for me as His daughter?
I am lost, and I am hurting. My incision is bleeding a little again. My legs are giving out beneath me so I sit on the bathroom floor to rest a little before taking the thousand mile trek across the hall to my bed.
What kind of future is there in the ruins of what has happened in my life so far?
I am young. I am 29 to be exact, and a year ago I was happily counting down the days until my second year anniversary with the absolute love of my life. Now…. I am leaning my head against the pinewood of my bathroom sink cabinets hoping for some strength to crawl back to my bedroom to heal from the removal of both of my ovaries due to an aggressive ovarian cancer that is overtaking my system.
Chemotherapy starts in a few weeks. I am potentially relocating to be closer to the one specialist who may be able to help with palliative care and my bleeding disorder.
Time takes us all.
The pathway to endurance and expectancy are riddled with potholes and blackouts. I am unhappy with my current situation but my Scriptures tell me to rejoice in the trying and working of my patience. Yahuah and His timing are absolute and lovely. This all has to be leading me to an expectancy that I would never have dreamed of… right?
Lexicon – Expectancy.
Hope, the perfect word for exactly what I need. Hope from Yahuah.
How is Yahuah’s Lesson today trying to help me?
I am in pain and needed to see a message of Hope today. This helps my heart in that it revitalizes the weariness that I’ve experienced these past few days. My heart was hurt last night in a place it shouldn’t have gone and I paid the price. I feel that there is no hope, but Yahuah will ALWAYS provide a way to the promises He gives.
What is Yahuah Trying to Tell Me?
I believe that Yahuah has given me a reminder to always find His esteem and His plans perfect for my feet. I will apply this reminder to my heart to hold myself stronger.