I’m not going to lie, it’s been very hard lately to trust when my body is aching and my heart is dashed.
I’ve been doing my best to read the Scripture when my heart feels ready for it – the worst thing to do at the moment is make reading a chore. I’ve found myself in Tehillim more than I ever have been in the past.
Things are hard and I am ready for them to be over. Trying to maintain that peppy and nurturing outer shell is harder and harder these days as I continue getting ready for chemotherapy. I often find myself going into a spiral of anxiety and I know I shouldn’t be getting away from myself.
They’re adjusting my medications in prep and I am trying to ride out the waves of emotions that come along with chemical disturbances. I am trying to get myself out of a hole that I can’t see the bottom of.
Yahuah has a strength though that has always gotten me out of rough situations. I’ve been called tenacious and even the strongest person known to some. Yahuah has gifted me with the strength of heart that I needed to overcome this cancer and I intend on using it.
So today, despite my pains, I will remember the best things that Yahuah has offered me. Despite my loneliness I will recall what has been given to me in the past and what blessings I’ve come to love before this devastation occurred.
I will keep trying.