I’ve been working so much lately that it’s difficult to keep writing, but I wanted to let you know I am still around.
Though I may not like where I am at again I know I need to use the tools provided to me by Yah to try to keep food on my table. Cancer is painfully isolating, and painful in every other sense of the word. Right now I am angry. The other day, I thought I had accepted everything… no… now I feel right back at the beginning.
But I guess sickness like this is cyclical in nature. You never really get over certain stages of the grieving process because you’re always in mourning. There’s always something that you suddenly remember you may never be able to do again and it rekindles the process all over again.
The process… there’s so many processes that go into this. I feel like I can’t name them all to be honest because I haven’t gone through them all. I’m just a baby along this journey. There are far more that are experienced and farther along than I am.
My thoughts have turned to children so much these past few days that I cannot watch TV anymore without crying. Did you notice there’s so many ads for families and babies? I did. The perfect family… more on that later.
But I am trying to find my feet again. I know you’re heading to LA, and I hope you have a wonderful time. I found the postcards you sent last time and smiled a little. You promised one day you’d be my guide around LA and we could figure out the city together. I’d see the beach and the ocean. We’d avoid all the touristy spots and you’d show me that korean karaoke bar.
There were so many things that we thought we’d do.