I’m packing up for my surgery and my road trip… but I am unsure of what exactly to bring. I already have my clothes and my pajamas ready for the transition, my Scriptures, and some socks. What else would I bring to this?
I don’t know exactly how long I will be checked in to recuperate. Last time it took a few days before I was released so I want to be sure I have everything needed to be … comfortable with what’s going on.
It’s coming soon, and I can feel the strings of sorrow beginning to emerge from under my skin… like the webblings of veins being tugged loose from a nerve center.
I don’t know what I will feel this year.
My removal surgery has greatly affected my mental health this year. I can only imagine the amount of sorrow and grief my heart will experience as Mother’s Day is celebrated by the nations. As stupid as it is, I find it difficult to let go of that day because of all of my losses – I grew up in the nations with that day being a big reminder of motherhood and all things that I aspired to one day have. And now that my ovaries are gone… I will no longer biologically be able to produce my own children anymore. And that has a devastating toll on me.
I know I shouldn’t even count it as one of my days or give it a passing thought… but it always reminds me of the children I’ve carried in my womb. And all the little lives that are sleeping with their Father having been spared the shock of this world…. I should be grateful. I should ignore that day just like any other day… I should… I should I should. but how can I?
My heart is already in mourning and bitter anticipation of such a trainwreck of a day coming up on the calendar.
HalaluYahuah! I am here arrived at my first qdsh week, my first of a lifetime of Spring Feasts!
I am so thrilled to have made it this far in my journey – in May it will be a year that I vowed my life to keeping the Command of Yahuah. How the time flies!
I am grateful that I am allowed this time to get to know our Father, His words, and our Brother’s shining example of excellence.
This blog post is an emotional one for me. I am full of smiles that our Father has given to me, I am free of toxicity, but I am also full of tumors. I give my voice to my Father that He may find it in His heart to guide me along my way to His side, that He may see my repentance and the ridding of the forsaken from my heart and my mind, and that He may correct those that do wrong across the nations.
He is coming, and He is all powerful.
Yahuah, may we learn from Your words and may we all bow our knees to You. I am truly happy that Your guidance has brought me to this place in my life where You allow me to serve You. May I make You smile, as I am Always trying to do!
That’s all the energy I have for now. 🙂 I will write more as I am inspired.