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Yahuah Reigns, Yahusha Saves!

Posts tagged Chronic Illness

I feel like a failure, but I am trying to find strength in my decision.

There’s got to be some sort of hope beyond what is dismally seen, right?

I am reminding myself with this post that all things are possible with the love of Yahuah. With repentance we shall be saved by His grace. With pure and clean hearts we are gathered up once again.

all is found when you place Elohim first. Turn back and love Yahuah with all your hearts. Let your heart follow His word and His truth. All things will come to their respectful places in time with His help.

I’m still upset about what happened a few weeks ago.

I had been down to nothing in my pantry nor my fridge and was struggling to find a way to make a journey to my very first Chemotherapy appointment. I reached out to the only two Belief siblings I had here because I had no one else I could potentially trust. I asked for a baggy of rice or pasta, and if they could help me find a way to my important appointment.

They never responded.

It hurts my heart to realize that the kindness and the loved Heart of the Messiah is not in their chests. I cried to my Father and I asked Him, how could they allow their own sister to starve to death? I went two days without food before a stranger on the internet offered to give me a bag of their own rice from their family of four. I cried the entire time they came and dropped off their food.

This woman had a baby who was teething at home and she spared me a morsel of her own pantry, food she could have used for her babies and her husband. But my brother and my sister couldn’t even respond to tell me they were unable because they needed to feed their own family. Instead, they flat out ignored my begging for help.

I understand plenty of things and reasons why there is silence but at the same time I would never allow my personal feelings to cloud my Messiah’s heart within me. If anyone came to me begging for food they’d be provisioned with all that I could spare at the moment and then some. I could never allow selfishness and my own feelings to hurt someone in need.

So I thanked my Yahuah for sending His angel to my stairs with her food and I begged Him to correct the error of my siblings ways. They cannot walk in this life with such a cold heart to the needy and poor in health, I beg that He is not too stern but that His point is made cross their hearts.

I prayed for their correction. It’s hard to know that your Belief siblings are not living the Truth wholly but I pray that they are finding their way back through His hands. I guess things are different in practice than in Scripture… but it should not be that way! Regardless of how we personally feel, we should not block one another and fear… we should welcome forgiveness and shelter those who are starving from spiritual or physical need.

So today I ask that you ask Yahuah to give you the Heart of Kindness and Love that the Messiah has perfectly embodied for us. I pray that He corrects you if you stray from the Path of truth and that you whole heartedly accept His discipline, understanding that it is for your benefit not your demise.

I pray for the world to one day come back to the Laws and the goodness that Yahuah has provided for us….

Chemo has been REALLY hard on my body and my mind.

I am a lot of things right now… but I am weak most of all. Abba, why have you put me through this? I stand here caked in tears and blood before you. My Father where is the Light that only You can bring into my life?

Chemo is really painful and this is only my second round. I feel an unusual burst of writing so here I am. I thank you allll for your prayers and your well wishings, I read every single one of them and pray for your well-being.

I will get back on teaching about the wonders of Yahuah, His beautiful graces, and His healing love as soon as I can. Right now it’s all my energy to continue to lead the digital eFellowship I’ve created for the Austin area – AAWF. They’re learning about the love of Yahuah and His true name through my teachings. I am grateful He has asked me to do this much for Him though I be sick.

I am doing the best I can, Yahuah. Can you see me?

HalaluYahuah!✨💛 We have two groups now – one on FB Messenger and one on Group Me.

If you’d like to be added to the Facebook one, please leave your username/ Facebook name in the comments and I’ll try to add you – give me an idea of your profile picture so I can add the right person!

I am so thankful for your support. Thank YOU! 🥰🥰

How can we apply this reading to your situation today? How is Yahuah trying to reach you, what is He trying to remind you of?

In the middle of the Shadow of the Valley of Death, I sing my praises to my Father. This may be His plan but I will esteem and rejoice in all that He has to offer me until my last breath.

I apply this reminder today and remind myself of Yahuah’s Plans for my feet. I remind myself of Yahusha’s love for me. It may be dark and full of hopeless feelings but I will try my hardest to make it to the end of the journey peacefully.

Sing your praises, you people of the earth! Give thanks for all that you are blessed with today – the breath you take, given to us from our Father. The food you eat, the water you drink, all that you see – all has come to be through HIM! Smile and rejoice – it is all come to be and has already been done.

Give thanks and Sings your Praises all you people.

Don’t forget to join my Faith Fellowship Group!

It’s a slow start, but as they say.. if you build it, they WILL come! I am praying for the right fellowship after being turned away so many times by those around me.

Don’t be afraid to join me! 🥰 I can’t wait to help inspire you & share scripture with YOU! 💛 Open to all believers of the Walk of Truth & Righteousness. ✨

Alone and afraid, I decide to take today to lay in my bed and allow myself room to feel. Room to cry and wail. Finally enough time to let the emotional torrent of memories and thoughts will flow down as I’ve been pushing them out of my mind to try to ignore them for as long as possible.

Today I feel the overwhelming pain of this coming week.

February 14 meant so much to me for two years. It was our anniversary. I will post more on this later.. for now, this is as far as I will mention it.

Recently I have taken steps back in my recovery. And that’s okay. There’s no manual on how to recuperate properly for all your emotions, bodily pains, and mental troubles. Walking has hurt so badly I was at the hospital for a bit being checked. They sent me home with inconclusive results and a stronger painkiller.

Today I will lay in my bed and listen to the rain. I have storm sickness so I will cry and scream, I will suffer boldly. Because I haven’t been letting myself express my internal turmoil for fear it would hurt Yahuah. But Yahuah wants me emotionally healthy too .. and today I will take those steps back and be comfortable in my pains as best I can. I will try to express them and find my will to survive again.

Today I will cry. I will pray that Yahusha holds me and comforts me. I will stay alone in my darkened recovery room and I will sob my heart out. It is all that I can do but I am grateful to be doing something.

Today, I endure.

I am weak physically from my surgery and will be for the foreseeable future. My walking is slowly progressing but I am working back up.

I read today in Ya’aqob 1:1-13 to relearn the benefits of such struggles. I may feel like I am failing right now but at the heart of this pain I am fashioning my faith into a weapon of immeasurable strength. These trials are steeling my shield for the coming oppression.

And let endurance have a perfect work, so that you be perfect and complete, lacking in naught. [Ya’aqob 1:4]

How would we know the glory of Yahuah’s love if we had no trials, no depressions to compare it to? Though… truthfully, the fullness of Elohim’s love is incomparable to any measure we may have here in this reality. How can we see the light if we cannot first learn to stumble in the dark?

There’s freedom in the stumbling. There’s richness – there’s learning. And learning lends itself to growth and rejuvenation, the fruition of our combined knowledge leading to the utilization of the tools we are given by Yah. We stumble and we are blessed because with this our legs are strengthened for our Walks along the Righteous path.

I often cry because I am alone. But in this loneliness, His works are perfected. His love is enduring – indeed, Yahuah provides. Believe that He provides and your life will be changed forever.

May all of my brothers and sisters find it favourable to see the beauty in the pain of their struggles currently. I pray that my family finds a moment to breath and feel the strengthening of their mental muscles, the faithful sinew of their bodies growing stronger and stronger by the moment. I pray for the fulfillment of their bodies and minds. Tonight, I pray that my family finds the endurance that their individual obstacles is perfectly favourable and esteems our One True Father, Yahuah, and our brother, Yahusha’s glory.