I feel like a failure, but I am trying to find strength in my decision.
There’s got to be some sort of hope beyond what is dismally seen, right?
I am reminding myself with this post that all things are possible with the love of Yahuah. With repentance we shall be saved by His grace. With pure and clean hearts we are gathered up once again.
all is found when you place Elohim first. Turn back and love Yahuah with all your hearts. Let your heart follow His word and His truth. All things will come to their respectful places in time with His help.
I am thankful today for the sacrifices made by my elder Brother. For all that He has done for my life, I want to sit and be still. I want to thank Yahusha for all He sees fit to help me accomplish.
Today I sit outside and reflect on my scriptures. I am shamed of my crookedness that has caused my Yahusha so much problems trying to help me fix… But I am grateful for His work.
Smile today my friends because it is Shabbat and it is a day to set apart for the love of our Yah.
I pray for you all and that you all find your cleansing. I pray that you find reasons to smile and reasons to laugh. I set aside this moment to thank Yahusha for your time and your lives flourishing. 💕 thank you Yahusha!
I’ve been working so much lately that it’s difficult to keep writing, but I wanted to let you know I am still around.
Though I may not like where I am at again I know I need to use the tools provided to me by Yah to try to keep food on my table. Cancer is painfully isolating, and painful in every other sense of the word. Right now I am angry. The other day, I thought I had accepted everything… no… now I feel right back at the beginning.
But I guess sickness like this is cyclical in nature. You never really get over certain stages of the grieving process because you’re always in mourning. There’s always something that you suddenly remember you may never be able to do again and it rekindles the process all over again.
The process… there’s so many processes that go into this. I feel like I can’t name them all to be honest because I haven’t gone through them all. I’m just a baby along this journey. There are far more that are experienced and farther along than I am.
My thoughts have turned to children so much these past few days that I cannot watch TV anymore without crying. Did you notice there’s so many ads for families and babies? I did. The perfect family… more on that later.
But I am trying to find my feet again. I know you’re heading to LA, and I hope you have a wonderful time. I found the postcards you sent last time and smiled a little. You promised one day you’d be my guide around LA and we could figure out the city together. I’d see the beach and the ocean. We’d avoid all the touristy spots and you’d show me that korean karaoke bar.
There were so many things that we thought we’d do.
A slight set back, but that’s okay. I’m currently able to walk okay now! I am still waiting for a few appointments, chemo is growing ever closer, and I am cleaning up my area to prepare for moving out. So many things changing!
I was gifted another translation of the Scriptures by a nurse again, and I am ever thankful for their kindness during my trying time. Especially since I had hit her with my legs when she was trying to draw blood from me!
Yahuah sends His messages when we least expect them. Tonight is a new moon, tomorrow a new month. So today I let go of the past as best I can.
I let go of the apologies that I wish I had received but never appeared. I breathe out the pain and heartache you left me with this year. I am struggling to stand but I try my hardest to put my foot forward into a new month for a new start towards my journey. I’m in pain and still recovering, but I am trying to walk the best I can according to Yahuah’s will… and if this is His will, then I listen to His directions.
I will walk humbly and with the direction He gives. I will love mercy and push myself to forgive you both in my own time with Yahusha’s help. I will do right by Yah.